Recipe for an 8pm Relationship

People like to criticize 8pm Warriors for working too hard, too much, too late.  When their relationships go down, they inevitably blame the breakup or divorce on the fact that he or she “worked too much.”  This is irritating.

Have you ever heard of a farmer’s wife leaving the farmer because he worked too much?

Probably not.

Even though most farmers are true 8pm Warriors (some have to milk cows at 8pm and 4am), you won’t hear these common phrases from the farmer’s spouse:

  • “He isn’t spending enough time with me”
  • “All he seems to do is work”
  • “He only cares about his business”

In fact,  it seems downright ludicrous…doesn’t it?

Why is that?

It’s because everyone knows the type of schedule a farmer has, including Mrs. Farmer (or future Mrs. Farmer).  Accurate expectations are set early.

Also Mrs. Farmer is included in the business operations and understands the impact of Mr. Farmer’s work.  She’s not just sitting at home wondering what Mr. Farmer is doing and why.

I believe that everyone needs to feel included (8pm Warrior spouses are no exception).  That’s why I wrote the “Picture Your Porch” piece on Christmas Eve.

As a group we seem to have relationship problems.

I’m no therapist, however I really believe that we can do a better job of setting expectations early in relationships so that we build a meaningful bond based on understanding and inclusion.  It’s important to include our loved ones in our business so that they understand WHY we do things, not just THAT we do them.

Otherwise you should picture an empty porch when you’re old and gray.

Have a family night,



Related thoughts about 8pm Families