If Winning Means Losing, How Do We Win?

What is the cost of winning?

 

I tried something new today in the car.  Instead of tweeting/texting/emailing, I thought about the things I’ve lost in pursuit of my life goal.   Maybe you can relate?

It’s actually quite startling:

  • I was once the ultimate romantic, using my creativity to surprise my wife with special tokens of my love.  Now I’m an average husband and I sell my creativity to others.
  • When I was a kid, I rode my bike for miles to buy my mom a birthday present. In September, I forgot her birthday.
  • I have seven younger siblings.   I hardly know them anymore.
  • Old friends hear from me once a year, when Facebook tells me it’s their birthday.
  • Years ago I was in peak physical shape. Now I’m overweight and out of breath after playing with my kids.

Even though I have experienced the joy of victory, I lost much to get there.

What have you lost?

 

Why?

Despite all the talk about pushing ourselves, delegating, working harder, smarter, or longer, there remains a limit to what one can do each day.

Successful leaders must make choices. Real choices will always lead to loss. Such is the nature of scarcity.

Focus on business? Lose relationships.
Win a war? Lose lives.
Get fame? Lose privacy.

Sometimes you must lose to win.  It’s your choice.

Losers won’t choose. Winners are losers. Choosing means losing. Isn’t life complicated?

How do we win?

 

We win when we’re aware of what we’re losing, but our goals still matter more.  We win when we sleep soundly at night.

Chase worthy goals tonight,

Aaron@Biebert

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Published by Aaron Biebert

I'm a director, film/video exec producer, leader & 8pm Warrior. I am passionately chasing my goals at all times. I'm listening. Let's talk!

23 comments on “If Winning Means Losing, How Do We Win?”

  1. Aaron, aloha. WOW! What a powerful post.  Aaron, I am going to do this exercise as well.  Last night I returned from spending some time taking care of my mom on the Mainland. Because of that, I had already shifted a few priorities and looked at what I was doing more closely.

    Without a doubt, this pushed me way out over the edge and I will be reflecting during the free fall. Thanks so much, Aaron, for this beautiful and powerful message.  Until next time, aloha.  Janet

    1. Aloha Janet!  I’m glad the post got you thinking.  I know it did the same for me.

      Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.  It’s a personal topic for most of us and I appreciate your brave comment and sharing your situation.

      Thank you.

  2. Wow! I like this. Since we moved I’ve stopped a lot of reading of blogs and even writing as much as I used to. I took a nap cuddling my 3-yr-old today, something I’ve missed doing. My next step is to start reading again…real books, and taking longer walks! You’re right. You can only fit so much in to a day. It was so nice to have my habits that were consuming me halted for a bit by the change. It let me see what really matters. I’m still figuring it out, but I feel a whole lot better! Thanks Aaron!

  3. Aaron, you speak for so many of us, such wise words and so true. It’s  easy to get pulled into the current if you’re not careful and don’t stop once in a while to check in with yourself. It’s something I ponder on a regular basis, I’m grateful that I have friends who tell me when I’m going off balance. Even then, it’s a constant process of refining what’s important and making choices.

    So much change going on someone once said, it’s like the ocean, you just have to learn how to swim in it. Some days are better than others but it’s very comforting to read a post like this and know I’m not alone.

    Thank you so much for holding up the mirror as you so often do:-)

    Jan

    1. Jan, I’m not sure I’ll ever swim as well as I want to.  For now, it’s just great to have others that help me out.  We all need lifeguards.  We all need others.

      Thanks for being one of the supporters. 

  4. Hi Aaron…what a powerful post…it is so important to be mindful of the sacrifices that we are choosing to make as we move forward…how many toes did we step on? how many hearts did we hurt?  how many gifts of beauty did we miss?  This is a great post to print out and refer to on those occasions when we feel like we are losing touch!
    Thank you Aaron!
    Claudia

  5. Wise words, Aaron – now I hope you’ll listen to yourself and get your wife that something special she wants regardless of it’s her birthday, go for a run/walk and get yourself back in shape, and find time for giving/charity. The upshot is your life will be even better – and you know that as well as I do! Great post!

    1. Thanks Bruce, it’s definitely not easy since I believe so strongly in my goal.  Obviously it’s important to find balance.  

      Something tells me that it’ll be a lifelong struggle…

  6. Aaron, I appreciate the power of your sentiment and the well written post it inspired, but I must say that thinking like this, which I find to be omnipresent in the online world particularly, scares the crap out of me.

    Let me offer you another perspective.

    By the time I was 10, I had lost 3 out of my 4 grandparents. One grandmother died without warning from an asthma attack. My other grandmother died without warning after a surgery that was meant to help her better deal with her MS. My grandfather died not so unexpectedly after a long fight with heart disease.

    Four years ago I lost my uncle without warning.

    Sudden deaths amongst those you love have a way of altering your perspective, and all I can do is speak to it and hope people hear my words before they have to experience it themselves.

    No goal you have is more important than loving the people you love, and that includes yourself. No goal can be reached if you are not at your best. No goal can be enjoyed upon completion if you have no one to dance with.

    Do not wait until these lamentations of yours become things that cannot be altered. There is no joy in pushing oneself to illness. I have to believe that is not why we’re here.

    ~M

    1. Margie, you are so sweet and thoughtful. I love and appreciate the perspective you’ve brought.  I don’t have all the answers.  I get scared sometimes too.  

      We’ve only got one life.Thank you for taking the time to write this comment.  Unfortunately, I’m not really sure what to do differently.  I am a hunter and don’t know what else to do.  Luckily, my family is supportive and as many things as I screw up, I’m still working hard to balance it out with good things too.  I can’t take it for granted.  It’s something I need to monitor heavily.  

      In the end, my goal must be worth more than the sacrifices.  I believe it is.

      I’m doing this for more than me.  I’m hoping it’ll be bigger, last longer.  I believe that it will.

      I guess I won’t know until it’s over.

  7. Aaron, I appreciate the power of your sentiment and the well written post it inspired, but I must say that thinking like this, which I find to be omnipresent in the online world particularly, scares the crap out of me.

    Let me offer you another perspective.

    By the time I was 10, I had lost 3 out of my 4 grandparents. One grandmother died without warning from an asthma attack. My other grandmother died without warning after a surgery that was meant to help her better deal with her MS. My grandfather died not so unexpectedly after a long fight with heart disease.

    Four years ago I lost my uncle without warning.

    Sudden deaths amongst those you love have a way of altering your perspective, and all I can do is speak to it and hope people hear my words before they have to experience it themselves.

    No goal you have is more important than loving the people you love, and that includes yourself. No goal can be reached if you are not at your best. No goal can be enjoyed upon completion if you have no one to dance with.

    Do not wait until these lamentations of yours become things that cannot be altered. There is no joy in pushing oneself to illness. I have to believe that is not why we’re here.

    ~M

  8. I can relate to the things that you’ve lost – I feel the same way. And yet, each of those spaces has been filled by other things that are just as important to me now and the lost things were back in the day . . . life changes – and that’s both reality and a good thing :-)

  9. Aaron! This post makes me sad. It’s true that life is a tradeoff, but the collective we must remember what we have that’s really important. I hope writing this post gave you time to reflect on what’s really important. It’s good for us to do that every now and then.

    1. Kenna, thanks for the thoughts.  I definitely wasn’t trying to make anyone sad.  :-(

      It was indeed a good chance to reflect.  I’m going to hold on stronger to things I want to keep and let go of what I have to.
      Life is full of trade-offs…

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