Good or Bad, It Takes Two to Tango

I’m celebrating seven (mostly) wonderful years of marriage today with Jenni, but wanted to make a public confession:

Every argument we’ve ever had is my fault.

Yep, I’m making this public.  Come to think of it, I’ve been a big part of every single problem I’ve ever had with anyone, not just my wife.

I’m not sure why I’ve ever denied it, or why anyone ever denies involvement in a bad situation. Rarely is a conflict one-sided. Arguments take two.

So do solutions.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way I can focus on fixing issues with others and finding compromise, not judging who started it or was at fault.  I was.

Fault is a distraction.

Have a great night,

Aaron@Biebert

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Published by Aaron Biebert

I'm a director, film/video exec producer, leader & 8pm Warrior. I am passionately chasing my goals at all times. I'm listening. Let's talk!

10 comments on “Good or Bad, It Takes Two to Tango”

  1. Shouldn’t every argument not be your fault or her fault, but rather be ‘our fault’? You just said it takes two to tango and arguments are two-fold, so doesn’t an argument also start between miscommunication between two people? Maybe I missed something. :-)

    1. Albert, I love it!

      Thanks for asking that question. It’s a great one.

      It sounds easy to just claim that it was “both of our faults”, but for me that usually happens at the end of the argument after a LOT of wasted time.

      Saying “our” fault, instead of “my” fault places some of the blame on the other person, even though they may not accept it.

      My main point is that it isn’t worth spending time dissecting whose fault an argument is. For me, it’s much easier just to accept responsibility, abstract out the other person’s responsibility, and focus on how you can fix it.

      1. I’m nowhere close to getting married, being married or nearing any anniversaries – so feel free to educate me here, but wouldn’t placing complete blame on yourself be a little harsh?

        When you get married, you vow to stick it through thick and thin with your spouse, and go through all problems together. As it is a collaborative effort, all mistakes you make are therefore, mistakes that she collectively takes part in as well. Yes – its not healthy to blame the other person, but when you are one collective unit, I believe it makes sense.

        Perhaps what you are trying to say, is that by blaming you, you are blaming the collective “you”, as in Aaron+Jennifer right? I know I just took this into a completely new existential direction… ;-P

        1. The way I see it is that once a person gets their pride out of the way, it’s not too bad having the blame thrown on oneself.

          Especially if it’s for a good cause.

          As for the existential direction, no I wasn’t trying that one out. Good try. :-)

  2. Aaron,
    We just celebrated our 25th anniversary and it was THAT day that I realized that you’re right! My words to myself were that my husband was a mirror to me of me. He was just exposing my perceptions of my world and the people in it. I laughed when you said you were “a big part of every problem single problem I’ve ever had with anyone, not just my wife.” I laughed because it seems we’re in the same place. But, like you I’m okay with it. New direction with solutions that’ll show up sooner or later.
    Love your honesty and vulnerability!

    1. Betsy, your comment made me laugh too. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t tell your husband that your 25th anniversary was the day you realized that Aaron Biebert was right. :-)

      On a serious note, I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one that found this to be a helpful idea.

      For your 30th, I’ll have to write another post that you can remember that occasion by. :-)

  3. There used to be a show on PBS called “The Red Green Show” it was a Canandian Skit Comedy (it’s kinda like a cross between Tim Allen’s old show “Home Improvement” and an even older show “Hee-Haw”).

    Anyway, all the men in the show belong to the local “Possum Lodge” and at the start of every lodge meeting they recite the “Man’s Prayer”

    “I’m a man…… but I can change…… if I have to….. I guess…..

  4. Hi Aaron

    Nice post here. I’ve been with my hubby for 29 years
    we had our ups and downs. But i’ve to say for awhile
    it was his fault but now i can allot of it is just me doing
    stupid things like him asking for water and i get side tracked
    with the kids and for get the water. Than a half hour or more
    he gets his water.

    Now when it come to hubby and the older kids i’m the peace
    keeper in the house. Rite now our son just as bull headed as
    his dad and wont admit he wrong at times.

    Thanks for the post Aaron
    Bonnie Squires

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